


The Truth About the London Marathon

by Minimaliminal



Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Divorce, Douglas is a merciful sky god, Gen, Happy Ending, Martin is the most unfortunate being on the planet, and a liar, break ups
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-03
Updated: 2013-12-03
Packaged: 2018-01-03 03:00:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1064957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Minimaliminal/pseuds/Minimaliminal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Martin isn't in the mood for wordgames.<br/>Douglas helps.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Truth About the London Marathon

**Author's Note:**

> I know nearly nothing about Liechtenstienien politics and customs or... pilotry. So the circumstances of this fic may be impossible. I'm sorry.

It was a dreary flight. Just miles and miles through thin but oppressive cloud cover. Martin sighed.

' _fitting'_ Martin thought to himself.  _'I was hoping for clear skies. I love flying through clear skies. It's only natural that the universe deprive me of that too.'_ He sighed again, deciding that just one really wasn't enough to express his true dreariness.

"Alright. That's about the twelfth time you've sighed in the past hour." Douglas announced in a burst of frustration. He hadn't been having the best day either. No particular reason. Woke up on the wrong side of the bed at three in the morning to the sound of his ex-wife's new boytoy telling him he can't see his daughter for easter. That's all. "Spit it out."

He just sucked in a sigh and held it.

"Fine. How about a word game to lighten the mood." He knew it wouldn't work. But he couldn't stand the tense semi-silence anymore. He wanted to be left in silence to stew in his misery or to listen to some mindless noise and pretend he wasn't miserable. No in between. No dreary grey middle area. "Names of famous people that sound like normal people. Should be easy enough."

Martin shook his head. "What's the point. I'll just lose anyway." The  sighed again.

"If you won't talk and you won't play the game could you at least  _stop. sighing._ " Douglas growled through his teeth.

"...Okay." He sighed in reply.

"I swear to god. If you sigh one more time. I will crash this plane."

He huffs, humourlessly."Do it. With my luck, I'll survive."

Douglas froze. This must be serious. Even if he doesn't mean it that way, it's always serious when he mentions his terrible luck. "Martin. Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

"... Theresa dumped me."

"Oh."

"A-and it wasn't even me! I-I know they... always say it wasn't you according to the movies or whatever. But it r-really wasn't this time! And I'd rather it was... I-I'd rather Theresa storm out of dinner saying she hates me because I'm... poor or nitpicky or just not her type. But... she didn't. She walked in... with a wedding invitation." Martin blinked rapidly. His trusted first officer glanced at him. "Didn't say anything. Just. Kept apologizing."

"Arranged." Douglas realized rather than asked.

"Her mother did." Martin wiped at his eye, determined not to cry on the job. Not again, anyways. "Just... just my luck of course. I-I find a girl who doesn't mind my stuttering an-and flying obsession and she has to be... too perfect."

"I know it feels like the end of the world now. But it gets better Martin. Really, it does." He says it because he knows he supposed to, but he's not entirely sure it's true. Not for him anyways. Not today, at least. "Find another girl. Get yourself a basketball team. Soon you won't even remember her na-"

"I don't want a basketball team! I am perfectly fine with my bobsled. In fact, I would've been perfectly happy with a-a-a... tennis team! I just..." He sighed hugely, never quite finishing the sentence. The heartbroken captain hung his head. "I'm not like you Douglas. I don't care about one night stands with flight attendants or sodding marathons." 

"Sodding marathons indeed..." The first officer muttered to himself in mild amusement. Martin rolled his eyes in response.

"Disgusting. Anyways, I don't think I could pick up a basketball team if I tried. You know how I am with... everything."

It was then that Douglas' day lightened by at least five shades. It always made him feel better to know that however shitty his life gets, Martin's is always five times worse. It didn't make him happy so much as... he didn't really know what the word was. It just made him feel like he didn't really have anything to be sad or angry about. Sure his life is shitty sometimes, but he's older now. He had his golden years and they were great. But... Martin never did. He was all work and survival. Play was never on the menu. Douglas doubted that he knew the word.

He decided to put his problems asid"I lied about the london marathon."

"I'm not surprised." Martin said, shortly. "Oh go on, what's it really?" 

"...Bobsled." Douglas confessed quietly, gritting his teeth against Martin's inevitable reaction. ' _Captain needs this. It's for the better good.'_

 _"_ No. Nonono. No. You're lying to cheer me up!" Martin accused, the tiniest smile tugging at his reddened eyes. 

"I'm not."

"But... you've been married four times! Even if current didn't count, which it does, that's just... unless."

Douglas grimaced, just the slightest bit embarrassed. "Yes."

"So you married all of your girlfriends." Martin laughed for the first time that flight. "Would you look at that. You really are an old romantic."

"Don't let Dirk the groundskeeper get wind of it." The proud sky god grunted just before the satcom rang. "Who could that be?"

"Carolynn's passed out with Arthur...Herc maybe?" Martin guessed as he flicked the answer switch. "Hello, this is Captain Martin Crieff of MJN air. Who might this be?" He said in his most impressive 'I'm the Captain' voice. Which wasn't saying much... but it beats 'I'm a frightened pre-pubescent boy with a speech impediment.'

"Good grief, Captain Crieff is that anyway to greet your girlfriend?" A pleasantly accented feminine voice rang out flirtatiously throughout the flight deck. Marin blushed prettily and became very focused on his instruments, suppressing a smile as he did so.

"Uh... The-Theresa I thought yo-you'd be preparing for the-uh... wedding." He stuttered out, his initial glee at her sudden call fading fast. "Ho-ho-how did you get this number anyways?"

"I got it from a rather helpful birdie. Along with coffee, a toblerone and a few... interesting facts about bears." Douglas rolled his eyes and Martin made a mental note to break into the knapp-shappey residence and steal that damn bear book. "I've got great news about the wedding!"

"Theresa, I-I'd rather not g-" He began to choke out, only to be cut off.

"My fiance is in love!"

"Theresa, please-"

"And he is lovely." Martin looked about ready to jump out of a window. Douglas scratched at this nose, smirking knowingly. "Really, very handsome and excellent with children!"

"I can-"

"They make an excellent couple." The silence was almost as deafening as the wheels turning in Martin's head. Douglas counted off in his head how long it would take until it clicked. 

_one mississippi... two mississippi... three mississippi... four mississippi..._

Martin screamed.

Douglas grinned and kept the plane on course as the supreme commander danced around the limited space of the flight deck.


End file.
